What is a People Pleaser, Perfectionist, and Codependent
A people pleaser, perfectionist, or codependent person is someone who feels responsible for the happiness and needs of others. They put other people’s needs ahead of their own, often times to their own detriment. They give and give and give until there is nothing left to give and then they feel guilty, ashamed, anxious, depressed, resentful, confused, crazy, and exhausted when they can’t do it anymore. They do this until they are physically and mentally drained.
People Pleasing, Perfectionism, and Codependency Start in Childhood
Usually people pleasing, perfectionism, and codependent behaviors start in childhood. A child learns to abandon their own needs in order to gain some feeling of safety and control. They realize that they can’t count on their own needs being met by the adults in their life, so they take on the adult role at an early age. They may think to themselves, “If ___ is ok, then I’m ok.” You can fill in the blank with mom, dad, sister, etc. They start to believe that it’s their job to make everything all better for everyone around them. They don’t feel like who they are is enough so they start people pleasing and trying to be perfect to prove their worth.
People Pleasing, Perfectionism, and Codependency are a Response to Trauma
People Pleasers, Perfectionists, and Codependents are created in homes with addiction, alcoholism, abandonment from being adopted, having divorced parents, or having a parent incarcerated, a parent with mental health issues, etc. What most people don’t realize is that people pleasing, perfectionism, and codependency are a response to trauma that is created in homes with the above list of issues. The problem with codependency is that when we grow up the behaviors don’t go away. What was helpful to our survival in childhood is now the thing that is robbing us from having healthy relationships and joy. We continue to abandon ourselves and put other people’s needs ahead of our own.
As Your Counselor, I Can Help You Stop People Pleasing, Being a Perfectionist, and Become More Independent
If this sounds like you, I can help. I have so many tools in my tools box that can help you. I promise you that therapy will not be a waste of time or money. Finding the right therapist is so important. I will explain things, validate your feelings, and give you a ton of feedback, tools, and resources and we will even laugh together. You will feel comfortable and safe and you will know that I care. I’m here to help.