Oh, my goodness, people are sooo mean to themselves. You would never say out loud what you say to yourself, about yourself, so be kind to yourself. If you haven’t accomplished something or you aren’t where you want to be in life, look at the circumstances. For example, if you grew up in chaos, how are you expected to focus on school? If you grew up witnessing unhealthy relationships, why do you think you would choose anything different? If you weren’t taught healthy coping skills, why would you think you should know them?
I work with so many people who say “I should have known better” and my response is “Why?” or “How could you have known better?” Maybe you knew something was wrong, but you didn’t know any other way or you didn’t know how to fix it because you didn’t have the tools to fix it. Saying mean things to ourselves is not helpful. Instead, get curious about why you aren’t where you want to be in life, why you chose the person you are in a relationship with, or why you stay in a job you hate. Don’t judge or criticize, get curious. Then reach out for help to change your negative self-talk and unhealthy behaviors.
Julia Manfre is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor and a National Certified Counselor. She has a Master’s of Education degree in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Florida Atlantic University. Julia is a psychotherapist, the owner of Self-Care Solutions, a private practice that specializes in empowering women, a podcaster, she hosts the Self-Care Solutions Podcast, a blogger, and a Keynote Speaker. She has years of experience working in substance abuse treatment, crisis, trauma, and women’s issues.
Julia’s mission in life is to empower women. She was a product of divorced parents and was raised by a single mom. She grew up in the DC area or the DMV (DC, Maryland, and Virginia) as it is affectionately known, in a small town in Maryland. She was brought up a die-hard Redskins fan. She loves beading, sewing, ballroom dancing, and Wonder Woman. She is passionate about women’s right and women’s empowerment. Julia is married, has an 8-year-old daughter, Lily, two dogs, two guinea pigs, and a hamster.